Playground Promiscuity

Today we were playing Lacrosse on the school in PE (like the cool kids we are), divided into two teams, the girls and the boys. Now you would think if anyone was going to be a bit obscene suring the game it was going to be the lads right?

Wrong.

 I was going after the ball trying to catch it after a bad throw from the girls team, when one of the girls jumps in my way shouting "FUCK OFF" and intercepts the ball while I'm standing there, shocked at what just happened...

Although the true pinnacle of their crudeness occurred when they said possibly one of the most innocent things at all... Girl #1 is stuck with nobody to pass to near her, when Girl #2 comes running behind her to give her some help, and in doing so notifies her with the words "I'M COMING UP YOUR REAR!"

I'm not sure whether these words were more of a worry than a relief to Girl #1...

Careers, Universities and Fish

Today we had some speakers for the organisation "Aim Higher" come into our class to give us a talk about opportunities in further education.

The first activity they gave us was a list of possible courses that could be taken at degree level, such as Golf Course Management and Peace Politics, but the list had a few red herrings in there too. These false friends included made up courses like Orange Peeling Studies and things...

The one that made us laugh however, was "Fish Stress and Gaelic" which is of course a fake course. The girl sat next to me was astonished that anyone would come up with such a thought. So one of the speakers says, "but it could exist" To which my friend replied, with no pun intended, "Fish stress? Fish don't get stressed! They're just swimming around, having a WHALE of a time".

Perhaps what made this even fractionally humorous was the fact that, even for several seconds afterwards, she couldn't work out what she'd just said that was funny...

More Inanimate Objects Are Beginning To Hate Me

It turns out my computer's been so lonely it's decided to start posting on this blog without me. I mean, normally people would appreciate me not saying anything, but the annoyance of a blank post caused someone to mention it to me.

So i'm just making a quick post to say, HA. TAKE THAT, BLANK-POST HATERS!

I've decided to leave that blank post, just to spite people that hate inconsista.... ok, it's starting to annoy me too now.

*deletes post*

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and good luck for the new year (unless you're chinese, you guys have to wait a few months first).

Best wishes and things,
     An Average Teenager

Bless His Cotton Hand-Socks

Winters coming around a hell of a lot faster than I'd like, and, inevitably, so is the cold weather...

Me and my friends were stood around waiting for school to begin the other day, when one of them complained that their hands were cold. My friend then turns round, and out of his mouth come the words, "Wouldn't it be good if they made socks, but ones that go on your hands to keep them warm?"

I turn around, and seeing that he's actually being serious, pat him on the shoulder and say, "I think someone might have already invented them... They're called gloves..."

Sowing Machine Fever

My brother has been driving me crazy with his annoying music, so I decided to retaliate yesterday. I went to go and see some relatives and got their sowing machine. Now all he can hear is the constant drone of the beasty thing, over the top of his music. Problem solved.

However, it turns out I'm really enjoying this box of tricks at the moment. I've used it on my art work, on christmas presents and now some of my clothes too. It's a wonder I haven't stitched my brother's mouth up yet, as he's now complaining non-stop about the noise.