The Ultimate Word Of The Day!

So the votes are in, the polls have been counted. Winning, with 36% of the votes, was the word.... *drum roll*

MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION!

Wait! Wait!! Hold on a minute... Isn't that two words, I hear you cry? Well... Yes. But they are two damn fine words, so this time round I'm gonna let it slip. But well done to the awesome person who asked for this awesome word (/words) to be the word of the day!

Alternative Name Syndrome

It's spring again, in my books anyway... The sun is out, the birds are chirping and the neighbouring dogs are howling until we threaten to transform them into a korean delicacy.

It's also the time of year for meeting new people too. However, it would seem my name, quite a plain one I admit, is quite hard to remember, so I've been given a variety of identities recently. Just to mention a few, Joe, Damien, Tom, Jack and of course, Billy.

I'm rather enjoying being a different person each day though, it must be said. I feel like I can get away with things I wouldn't normally do, like putting a fez on the top of a strangers car, or giving a random person in the street a mini muffin with a birthday candle. Oh the wonders of being anonymous...

This next week, though, I'll attempt to blog about some of the weird people I've met over the past year or few. If you think I describe you... Well... Just maybe don't talk to me any more? Much obliged.

Feline Antics

Tonight my mother and I were sat on the sofa watching a bit of television, when an advert came on depicting a man shaking cat crunchies and the cat bursting through the wall, just to get one of the kitty noms. My mum, unphased by this, says "Martin (our old cat) would have done that..."

I turn to her in a look of disbelief, the cat of course couldn't have actually done it, it had to be television wizardry. She then continued to tell me about how the Martin, when he was no more than a little kitten, would hide behind the hedge, run up and burst through the hedge, jumping out at whichever poor mutt happened to be walking past.

I never really knew this cat as I was too young to know it, but I thoroughly consent to it being part of my family.

 

 p.s. I don't draw animals, okay? it turns out they're a lot harder than stick-men...

Playground Promiscuity

Today we were playing Lacrosse on the school in PE (like the cool kids we are), divided into two teams, the girls and the boys. Now you would think if anyone was going to be a bit obscene suring the game it was going to be the lads right?

Wrong.

 I was going after the ball trying to catch it after a bad throw from the girls team, when one of the girls jumps in my way shouting "FUCK OFF" and intercepts the ball while I'm standing there, shocked at what just happened...

Although the true pinnacle of their crudeness occurred when they said possibly one of the most innocent things at all... Girl #1 is stuck with nobody to pass to near her, when Girl #2 comes running behind her to give her some help, and in doing so notifies her with the words "I'M COMING UP YOUR REAR!"

I'm not sure whether these words were more of a worry than a relief to Girl #1...

Careers, Universities and Fish

Today we had some speakers for the organisation "Aim Higher" come into our class to give us a talk about opportunities in further education.

The first activity they gave us was a list of possible courses that could be taken at degree level, such as Golf Course Management and Peace Politics, but the list had a few red herrings in there too. These false friends included made up courses like Orange Peeling Studies and things...

The one that made us laugh however, was "Fish Stress and Gaelic" which is of course a fake course. The girl sat next to me was astonished that anyone would come up with such a thought. So one of the speakers says, "but it could exist" To which my friend replied, with no pun intended, "Fish stress? Fish don't get stressed! They're just swimming around, having a WHALE of a time".

Perhaps what made this even fractionally humorous was the fact that, even for several seconds afterwards, she couldn't work out what she'd just said that was funny...